ALLOWANCE AND HEART
Hello again Dear Friends,
Over the years I have spoken and written regularly about my daily 5 step approach for happiness. It’s a practice I perform everyday and it continues to serve me well.
The 5 steps are; Smile, Appreciate, Forgive, Allow, and Watch less news. It’s that simple! My advice is to do it each morning as soon as you awaken to get the day started right. After a few personal incidents this past month I have recalled that perhaps the one item of the four that I have focused on the least is that of ALLOWANCE. I am convinced that a lack of allowance for others leads to much distress, tension, and unhappiness.
Here’s what happened in my world. First, a couple of weeks ago I received a call from a single female coaching client of mine. She was positively irate at the behavior and lack of consideration shown to her by her boyfriend. Clearly she wasn’t being treated as she desired, but in the process of her rant the word jerk and #%&*head kept being mentioned as a description for her boyfriend.
In this particular case I happen to know the boyfriend somewhat well, and I know for a fact that deep inside he is a nice, kind, faithful, non abusive individual. He may not be treating my client in the manner she wishes but he is not a jerk and all the other profanities mentioned. Sure it’s ok to say you are not being treated at home or in the office the way you wish, but that does not make the other person a bad or evil individual. Why not back off the anger, acknowledge the other person may not see the world the way you do and just decide whether the relationship actually serves you or that it may be time for a change.
In the case above, the lack of allowance was causing my client extreme anger and anxiety all directed outside to her boyfriend instead of a more loving enlightened look inward where she would realize that her boyfriend is basically a nice guy who simply may not display the relationship behavior she desires.
Whenever we continue to rant and rave at anyone who has a different point of view we make personal happiness a difficult proposition.
Here’s another example much closer to home. Three weeks ago I was at home on a Friday evening. My wife was out at a business conference and I was alone with my boys, Jack and Ode’ my two golden retrievers. I put my favorite baseball team on the TV, made a pizza (I share the crust with the boys), poured a glass of wine, opened the windows wide and sat down to a peaceful quiet evening.
All was wonderfully tranquil and relaxing when at the end of the 4th inning there appeared a very mean spirited presidential political commercial on the TV. Instantly I allowed my entire mood to change as I was incensed that here it was just May and these ugly campaign ads not only had interrupted my wonderful blissful evening but were also a sign of what the future would bring. I found myself doing exactly as my client had done earlier, getting all upset with zero allowance. I ultimately realized that the candidate supported by the ad was a decent individual, albeit a different opinion than mine, and displayed in the ad a meanness I disliked. My answer in the future--- Turn off the ads as soon as they appear and allow others to have their opinion without upset from me.
Everywhere we go, be it work, home, or social events there will be those with vastly different opinions and styles from what we have individually. ALLOWANCE IS A MAJOR KEY TO HAPPINESS! Remember, we are all unique.
June is a very busy month for me speaking to the MPI (meeting professionals) organization in Miami and then numerous charitable groups in Denver. Something a little new and different for me will be speaking at the Denver Sai Maa Meditaiton Center June 26th. If you would like to attend this Tuesday evening event open to the public please contact Yelena firstname.lastname@example.org
If you haven’t yet please check out my new book “WE’RE TIPPING OVER, The Urgency to Rethink Government, Business, Heart, and Soul”. Available Kindle, Nook, Amazon, or my website www.andyfeld.net.
With Love and appreciation,