LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS
HAPPY VALANTINE’S DAY
Hello again Dear Friends,
Typically when I receive my local requests for speaking engagements or even a television interview I’m usually asked what specific topic I would like to address, but that’s not the case in February. No, in February, almost everyone asks if I can direct my talk around Valentine’s Day and the subject of love and relationships. With that in mind I’ll keep this monthly letter on the same target.
Relationships generally fall into three categories, a significant other, friends, and work. I’m going to leave relations with relatives out of this discussion today since those are not necessarily relationships of choice and require a somewhat different point of view. Being successful in all three of the above relationship areas typically go a long way in determining our emotional and even financial well being.
All relationships begin by looking inward at ourselves, as we must be an emotional match to the relationship we desire. In other words if you want nice….be nice, if you want love….be love, if you want fun…….be fun, if you want excitement …..be exciting, etc. It continues to amaze me the number of individuals I speak with about relationships whose personal energy and demeanor are the exact opposite of the relationship they desire. In these cases an individual is looking for another person or group to make them happy, or fun, or exciting, but that’s not the way the universe works.
First, as you search for the right job, or friends, or significant other start by making a list of the attributes you are looking for in the relationship and be specific. Next and this is the most important step, look in the mirror and honestly ask yourself if you are match to what you desire. Are you a match intellectually, are you a match emotionally, are your daily spoken words in sync with what you want, and is your belief system aligned as well?
Usually if you are in a poor relationship or unable to find the right one it’s time to first look at yourself before pointing blame on another. During our lifetimes we all have our ups and downs with friends, spouses, co-workers, and bosses, but don’t we learn a lot about ourselves through it all? As my dear wife Julie always reminds me when things are not going well, ask yourself, “What’s my lesson, what’s my opportunity?”
Finding the relationship you want is simply about making your specific list, becoming an emotional and intellectual match to what you want, and then taking ACTION!
Once you have the relationship you desire how do you keep it going over time?
The biggest trap I see individuals falling into is requiring an ongoing successful relationship to be one’s sole source of happiness, peace, abundance, and fulfillment. The relationship can deliver all these elements, but should serve as an add on rather than the source of a happy, secure, peaceful you.
Another common mistake individuals make once they have the good relationship they desire is that they stop putting the time and energy into making it continue to flourish. Surprisingly most people will work pretty hard to find that good relationship, but then are unwilling to make the same effort to maintain it. I suggest being very aware of your best relationships and then continue to nourish them physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I have written many times how LOVE is the glue that holds Universal Oneness together. The spiritual energetic oneness that is common to all things and all people is bound by love in spite of all our unique difference. To be whole our love must encompass the three elements below:
Love of Self- it’s almost impossible to love another without that deep spiritual, emotional and physical love of self. It’s recognizing that eternal Soul we are, and loving ourselves at that deepest level.
Unconditional Love- Loving others and loving Nature just as they are without judgment or conditions. Love the world you live in and allow all to be!
Love without attachment- This is the practice of remaining in a place of love regardless of all the negative stuff that goes on around us. When we see abuse, disease, violence, can we oppose it without losing our personal vibration of love. Can we detach ourselves from all the Ka Ka in the news or in our face and still retain a vibration of love? This takes practice, I know, and nothing works better here than a daily practice of meditation.
I hope this helps a little and I wish you all a wonderful month of love and wonderful relationships!
With my love and appreciation for you,